DES MOINES, Iowa — Local goth Andrea Smith is reportedly thrilled to begin telling anyone who will listen about the pagan roots of the yearly celebration of automobile sales known as Toyotathon, preemptively skeptical sources confirmed.
“People these days are ignorant to the rich history of the event,” said Smith, sitting in the food court of a local mall. “Toyotathon is so much more than an annual opportunity to score amazing deals on bestselling cars, trucks, and SUVs with perks such as no-cost maintenance plans and roadside assistance. It’s a liminal event with well-documented pagan roots. During Toyotathon, I believe that the barrier between worlds is thin, eldritch magicks are afoot and dealerships should be culturally competent enough to ignore my credit score and multiple DUIs.”
The owner of a Toyota dealership in Altoona, Pennsylvania was more circumspect about the holiday’s history.
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